A Homeschool funny

Dear Socially Challenged Duplex Mates PART 2 (yes it is another letter)

As previously discussed in part one of this letter, I feel it is time to once again address some issues that obviously your mom did not teach when you were little. I am so sorry that your parents failed you in this area but it is time at your age to realize that yes there are other people around you.

First of all, I am glad that you are married and also have a boyfriend, I am glad that your guy has a great time over there and your husband does not seem to care. But please do not leave for a "date" with your boyfriend and kiss in front of our window and declare your love for each other. My children know that is not your husband and I am tired of the questions. It is just really white trashy of you to do that to your husband and your kids... they can see you too. And I honestly find it very gross to say the least and maybe I should say the least.

Secondly, I know that you both are out of work AGAIN this summer (hmm I have noticed a trend)but please realize that not all of us have the luxury to "get laid off" every summer and collect unemployment. And we do get annoyed with the door slamming, feet stomping and giggling outside at 2 am, even though I have insomnia and I am up most of the time... it never fails that the nights you do that I am actually feeling sleepy. Ohh and by the way, your children should be in bed at 2am, your daughter is younger than my kids and PUT her to bed, she is giggling and hyper because she is sleepy (and yes she is in her brown pants).

Thirdly, I am shocked I have to tell you this one but the sidewalk and curb is not made for road traffic. Please do not run over the curb especially when my children and I are standing there. I am sorry you have a long car and obviously do not know how to park but we honestly don't need the stress of whether or not you will run over us. I would like to think you would not but I can't honestly say I trust you one little bit.

Fourthly, all winter long I have listened to cats being born underneath our house, I have listened to them meow, give birth and "attack" each other. And you know it annoyed me but I also knew I could not trap them because it was too cold or I was too busy to deal with it and I WAS NOT GOING UNDER THERE. Well now in the heat of summer come to find out one of those cats had pulled our duct work down from under our house and we have been living with the heat because of these cats, that duct feeds our upstairs AC. Please realize that I like to use my duct work to cool my house, not to birth your cats.

So until further notice the "Feral Cat Birthing Center" that is located under our duplex is closed. There will no longer be a birthing room in our ducts. I will not be nice about it any longer! I will no longer listen to meowing and do nothing, the city has gladly loaned me the use of animal traps to use, and I will bring them out there and I will not care if it bothers you. I am sorry that you are "addicted" to cats but honestly going through a 30lb of cat food every weeks should be your sign you have too many. And moving them inside does not solve the problem... JUST SAY NO!

Also please be on notice that I will not help look for your wife when she runs off, will not listen to stories of your terrible life or want to go into your house for coffee. My life stinks some times too but I don't feel the need to share the wealth with you please don't feel you need to share it with me. I would normally love to have coffee with anyone but your house smells so bad my eyes, ears and nose feel like they are going to bleed when I leave, not to mention that smell I taste it for days. And my suggestion about your wife, next time she leaves make sure she takes the cats with her, and change the locks.... she is cheating on you!

Again I hope I have brought to your attention some ideas you might embrace. Remember the world does not revolve around you, other people live in this world and honestly don't give a darn about you, and we hate your cats. So the next time you hear a popping sound, it is just me shooting your cats with my airsoft gun. Don't fret about it I really really really enjoy it.


Signed....
still your neighbor and still annoyed

Dear Socially Challenged Duplex Mates,

I know your life must seem hard to you, and I know it is hard to believe that other people reside in this world for reasons other than serving you. But I would like to request that you follow some simple rules that your moms forgot to teach you. Honestly I should not have to teach you these, you both are older than I am and I feel most people should have realized the "unwritten" guideline by now but that apparently is not the case.

First if my outside light is not on and it is dark outside don't ring my doorbell, and if it is on and it is past 9pm don't ring my doorbell. I am sorry your wife has run off, she is not over here. I am sorry that is thundering and lightening outside and she has had enough so she has left. Also I am very sorry that your teen has lost her cellphone and you only have one car and your wife is out with the girls. Your emergency is not my emergency and maybe your teen does not value that phone as much as you do and should lose it.

Secondly, please stop collecting cats, although kittens are cute when they start numbering in the double digits they loose the cuteness. I am tired of hearing meowing kittys under my house, we have a cat and love it dearly but we only have ONE. Please close your garage door so not to collect more strays, strays have fleas and we don't like fleas. Don't assume every one else likes your cats and when you finally are forced to get rid of them 3 loads of cats is TOO MANY! It is your sign you have a cat addiction problem, when you open your door and cat urine can be smelled 5 feet away that is not pleasant.

Finally, please learn to not slam you door, honk you horn we have groceries or I am in the car waiting, and for gosh sakes buy your youngest daughter a second pair of pants. You may close your door without slaming I don't need to know your coming and goings. By slamming you make me cringe especially after 9pm when I am scared my peace is going to be distrubed. I am glad you have gone grocery shopping and are home but by honking the horn the whole neighborhood realizes you are home and honestly we don't care and especially if it is 7am and your dd will no come to car get out of the car and get her. An idea, take your dd cellphone the one she has lost and call and they can meet you at the curb therefore distubing NO ONE. I have lived here for 10months and have seen the same pair of pants on your daughter everyday that I have seen her. Please buy her another pair and if she has more than one have an intervention and make her wear something else. WE all know that the brown pair is her favorite but please change it, a nice pair of jeans would be nice.

I hope I have brought to your attention some ideas you might embrace. Remember the world does not revolve around you, other people live in this world and honestly don't give a darn about you. Honestly we don't all care about your daily life, just because I have pulled up and you are out feel free to not to talk and tell me your woes. I have my own problems and family and honestly don't care, go and talk with your wife, you children, or a cat that wonders by.

Signed,
your annoyed again neighbors

Teen funny

Wow I heard this just this week :) don't you love the teen logic?